You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
