I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
