She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
