my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
