Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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