Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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