we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
