he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
