Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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