I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
