i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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