I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
