it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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