I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
