I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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