I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
