so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
