I'm lost and stupid without you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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