Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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