It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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