Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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