I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
