he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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