They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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