What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
