6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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