bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
