i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
