dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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