this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
