Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
please come you make the beer taste better
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
