Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
