my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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