I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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