I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
