Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
that's an acceptable place to lick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize