no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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