Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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