K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
