I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
