the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Vodka?
Forever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
