Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
