No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
