Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
