I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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