Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then my night got REAL pukey
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
