the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
