On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
