I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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