dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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