we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
