the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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