So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
