So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
