I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
