sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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