U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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