I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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