His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
