I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Less talking, more tequila
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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