plz talk dirty to me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
