I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
