I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
