Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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