nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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