but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
