you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
