you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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