Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
