its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
